This essay - written by MSc Finance student Deepali Desai - is the product of random spontaneity and deliberate construction for self-reflection. it is, according to Deepali, filled with reflections for her future selves to visit and we hope it will be useful to you.

above the skyline: Reflections from level 50

1. Be fluid

There is a reason why I wrote future selves’ and not ‘self’ (thanks Grammarly), to emphasise the point of fluidity. We are always in a state of flux, constantly reconstructing ourselves and creating infinite versions as we grow. A lesser talked about aspect of growth is introspection.

Introspection subverts the passivity of reception—and trumps the verisimilitude of knowing. Knowing and understanding stand on the opposite ends of the spectrum: introspection and reflection are the vehicles through which you inch closer from knowing to understanding. But wait a minute, how do you introspect? These ambiguous words find meaning in meticulous attentiveness. Lucky for you, in class, Professors provide the platform for this activity—they will do the heavy lifting—and ask the seemingly obvious questions. The master craftsman does not saddle the solution but lets you stumble around it to engender an appreciation for the answer.

Trust me, I was often miles away from the right answer, but over time I became attuned to what perspective and insights I should pay attention to. Hindsight may cloud you in a false sense of truism that theories may present to you, but once you begin to appreciate the inner workings of those who curated them-you have found a singular version of your learning experience —your diadem in your treasure trove of learnings.

Paying attention to the questions asked in class instilled childlike wonder in me. I was privileged to attend a class where my classmates asked some of the supposedly stupid and the ‘why didn’t I think of this’ questions—they taught me to be bold enough to question the obvious. But trust me when I say that’s it those questions that bring out the most value. Professor Alex kept asking why, and you knew the answer would be on the next slide, but when different people give different answers, it kindles your own creativity. Once you traverse through the different iterations of the wrong ones, you become comfortable with uncertainty. The true testament of knowledge is gracefully accepting ignorance—’ unknown unknowns’.

2. Take the jump, kiddo!

Every time I stand near the glass panes at Level 50, my mind panders to the intrusive thought of jumping from Level 50— thankfully I can’t. But it has more to do with how the world looks from Level 50—picturesque, people look like miniature Legos, and the world looks like Mariokart.

You feel invincible, and hold onto that feeling, for the job market will be sure enough to ground you and cause you to crash land faster than you imagine. Building a sense of belief, or if I can indulge in our lingo—Delulu, has to be one of the most important skills you will cultivate.

Fortunately, you have a community of people to help you take the high jumps (please don’t give in to the actual intrusive thought). Don’t reject yourself, because believe me recruiters and the world will most certainly do that to you. Take the tough modules, talk to the big group of people that seem intimidating, ask the stupid questions in class, and take the salsa class even if you have horrible hand-eye coordination—I guarantee you will be surprised. You will be surprised at your own abilities to surmount the supposedly insurmountable. Even if it doesn’t pan out the way you wanted to — the results are still:

Self Doubt —0 Resilient You —1

I met one of my closest friends at an event I was hesitant to attend alone. Thanks to my wellbeing advisor, Roopa, who encouraged us to go alone and take risks— “put yourself out there”,she said—and I am glad I did. I found a home in a person, an irony that home was always made to feel tangible, however, over time I have come to believe ‘home’ is the intangible comfort and care: it is people who make a ‘home’.

3. Embody Multitudes

Binaries are made for simplistic minds, but, hey you are far too complex to be siloed into these platitudinal two-dimensional worlds! Embody multitudes and see yourself on a spectrum capable of shifting from one interest to another. I found myself clinging rigidly to thoughts or opinions I had, any attack on them was similar to an attack on my identity. But if you see yourself as mouldable, and constantly improving, you will be comfortable with the uncertainty that comes with it.

My most interesting conversations happened with people who were not from my programme —but far from it. It’s because their thought process was as disparate as it could be, unlocking perspectives and ideas I never knew existed. You aren’t just analytical, creative or extroverted, introverted or any of these unambiguous words that the world throws at you—but you are a unique combinatorial of all these virtues (and vices).

The Looking-glass self informs your presence in the world—so if you see yourself in a box, you will likely perceive and present yourself to be 2-dimensional. If I can leave you with anything, go beyond the binaries, find yourself in the margins and liminal spaces—inhabit and make those spaces your own.

Thank you for reading!